On self-expression

I have an itch to write. I’m not sure what I will be writing about specifically, but I do know that I wish to express my many thoughts and ruminations. My life is at such a strange point right now. I've been going through a personal transformation for the past nine months. The first portion of this transition was quite difficult for me. I went through a lot of inner turmoil. I was letting go of the person I kept trying to pretend to be to make my family comfortable. Choosing to be yourself oftentimes means creating distance between yourself and those you love. I found that a lot of guilt comes with making that choice; I felt like I was making a “selfish” decision. However, my decision to be free to be myself was essentially a decision for self-love and the very reason I can write these thoughts now.

I would like to share more on those darker moments during my inner transformation in my future writings, but for now, I will say that I am residing in the afterglow of several very enlightening cathartic moments. It is in these moments of total clarity that I have been able to see myself completely disjointed from ego and the emotions that often cloud my self-perception. I have somehow been able to catch glimpses of my soul in its complete beauty and light. I now use these snapshots of myself to guide me as I walk on my life path.

And I have been inspired by my experiences. I feel as though I have many stories and reflections to share with the world. I had an inclination towards writing prior to the onset of my transformation. However. I let my inner ink well dry and my keyboard stick because I was convinced that my thoughts were meaningless and valueless. I told myself that I wouldn't be saying anything that hasn't been said before, so there was no point in saying anything at all.  

Now I believe differently. I think that each and every living thing born on this earth was and is a different fragment in the ever changing kaleidoscope called history. I think that each of one us has a unique perspective on what is means to experience life; we are all a part of a collective entity called god. Each and every one of us, myself included, has a story worth sharing. When we share our stories—when we express ourselves—we receive wisdom and we expand our minds because we have broadened our understanding of what it means to live. In doing this, we become closer to god.

So now I cherish my memories and relish the thoughts and reflections I have. I've embraced my introversion because it is allows me meditate on my experiences and give meaning to them. Now I am ready to express; I wait impatiently for moments like this when I can have free reign over a blank word document or a blank sheet of paper. I look forward to reiterating the redundantly mundane, to sharing realizations like; ‘I learned that I have to love myself,’ or ‘today was a beautiful day because I realized what a blessing it is to be alive,’ or, ‘building community amongst ourselves is the first step towards peace in our society.’ I look forward to expressing thoughts like these, because they are the very same thoughts that we forget to remember; they are truths that unify us because we all encounter them while living through our unique moments.

Thank you for taking the time to allow me to share these words with you.